Engagement Party Emirati Style

The party took place not too far from where we live, in Al Buraimi, Oman. It is just across the street from my apartment complex. Buraimi was once part of the UAE but to eliminate problems with illegal immigration the UAE government put up a border fence and checkpoint. So now it's officially in Oman. It was only a fifteen minute drive to our destination but it took us about forty-five minutes to get there because my host, Aysha, had forgotten her passport at home and we had to wait for her driver to bring it to us. (I think one day I'll write a brief posting about Emirati domestic help.) After that delay, it took us no time at all to get to our destination. The engagement party is, I think, a scaled down version of the wedding. From what others who have attended Emirati weddings have told me, I can only surmise that the wedding is the engagment party on steroids. The betrothed couple are relatives of Aysha's grandmother. I could not take pictures because I am neither a member of the bride's or groom's family. So you'll have to use your powers of imagination for my descriptions.


There were only women and children present in the hall - a large room similar to wedding halls found in the States. Boys present were no older than seven. The guests are all Arabs (with the exception of us three) but if you did not know that, you'd think they were African and Asian Indian. In the front of the room there was a stage with a catwalk and on the stage, an elaborate setting of a gilded couch enshrined in what looked like a huge seashell with pearls dangling from the top and all of this was bathed in colored lights. Music was blaring and it actually sounded like Caribbean music, calypso or soca, but it wasn't. I asked Aysha if it was Arab music and she said that it was. Hard to believe because it had a driving drumbeat that was very African-like in origin. It did not sound anything like the pop Arab or Khaleeji music one usually hears. As for the women and girls present, however modest they may dress daily, on an occassion such as this, modesty is out the window. Sexy dresses were everywhere - plunging necklines, sleeveless, backless, spaghetti straps, sheer, form-fitting and almost all are custom-made so they are like one-of-a-kind creations. Still, there were some women in their abayas and shaylas, as well as those with the masks. Of course this freedom in dress was because no men were there.

Oud, fragranced oil, was brought to the table for us to apply. I love oud so I did but the girls declined. The courses of the meal were unique in that they followed that saying, "Life is short; eat dessert first." We were served tea and then Arab sweets. On the table were appetizers so to speak - hummous, pita, vines (grape leaves stuffed with rice), and fatouche (a type of salad). We were not served the main course for some time. But it didn't matter because I was so intrigued by the dancing the women were doing. As mentioned, the music had a familiar rhythm and beat and guess what? The dancing looked damned familiar too. In fact, anyone from any and I mean any Caribbean nation would have said, "Those women whinin'! " They were movin' those hips like any Bajan or Jamaican. In fact, you could even throw Brazil in there for the samba. Those women were shakin' their groove things. Part of the dress for this dance is to tie a sash just below their butt. This accentuated the movements.They would get up on the catwalk and wind those bottoms to the beat and then just cause their derrieres to tremble. The girls and I stared in amazement. Even some little girls had the hang of it but many were still trying to master it. I'm sure by the time they are in their teens, they will have it down pat. Women of all ages were doing this particular dance. One young woman took it to a "whole notha level". After going up and down the catwalk doing that dance, she turns her back and gets on the floor of the catwalk and begins to move her hips to the music but in a prone position. It eventually ends up looking like an intimate act and Imani says to me, "That's really inappropriate." But it seems to be part of the celebration and all were amused by it. In fact she received applause when finished. (If you want to know what the dance looks like, You Tube digni.)

The loud music was then turned off and softer more traditional Arab music was played. That's when the main course of rice and lamb was served. During dinner, the bride-to-be arrived to fanfare. She arrived at the back of the hall and was wearing a gown but not a wedding gown and carrying a huge bouquet of flowers. She walked ever so slowly to the stage; it must have taken her thirty minutes. Her dress was gorgeous, a tan color with a pattern I'm hard pressed to describe. Her makeup like the majority of the women there was dramatic. Arab women take their makeup seriously. They wear foundation that is shades lighter than their actual skin tone and eye makeup is nowhere near subtle . . . and that's for everyday wear. For an event such as this, makeup gets amped up to the max. But I must say she was beautiful. While making her way to the stage, there were two women coaching her along the way - stop, turn, pose this way, show off the dress. I surmised this because whenever they'd say something to her, she'd do one of those actions. Interesting thing though is she never smiled the entire time. Instead she had a demure look on her face. You know an American bride would have been grinning from ear to ear and chatting with her guests along the route but this woman never did anything like that. She either looked with downcast eyes or straight ahead as she walked to the couch on the stage.

Then the procession of well-wishers began starting with her future sister-in-law. Women animatedly said things to her but she didn't register any emotion in her face. After this there was more dancing and then the dj (female) made an announcement and next thing I know abayas and shaylas were hurriedly being retrieved. Imani asked if people were leaving but I figured a man was coming. Sure enough, the groom-to-be and his family arrived. His entrance was one for the memory books. When he came up the aisle, some of his male relatives were dancing a traditional dance and some were making it "rain" on him. Yes, that's right, they were throwing actual dirhams (money) on him while the women, I assume relatives of his fiancee, were throwing rose petals. Since it was real money falling on the floor, the children ran and picked up all that they could and it was theirs to keep. Imani wanted to join them but I had to nix that.

The fiance made his way to the stage accompanied by his great grandfather and stood by his bethrothed. She by this time has had a black lace veil pulled over her face. He lifted the veil and supposedly sees his beloved for the first time. But this wasn't the case because they are actually cousins who have known each other since they were young. Aysha told me they are in love. I guess it is an arranged marriage but one where love had developed along the way to getting there. Then the fiance placed a watch, diamond earrings, a diamond bracelet, a tiered diamond necklace, and a diamond ring on his fiancee. (I know what they are because earlier in the evening the gift was paraded around to all the tables for the guests to see what he had bought to give her.) Well-wishers came up to congratulate them. After that his family walked down the aisle to offer their congratulations. Photos were taken of the whole extended family to be (by female photographer of course). When all of that was concluded, the great grandfather lead the procession off the stage by doing a traditional dance movement. That was the first time I saw the bride-to-be smile during the entire event. The groom-to-be on the other hand was smiling from the time he started down the aisle. I say this only as an observation that this may be part of the ritual for the woman. Before the men left the hall, they danced with some of the women but in a group dance. Once the men left, many of the guests began to leave. The couple remained on the stage. Maybe they were going to have more photos taken. I don't know because we left soon thereafter. The fiance's relatives were outside the hall entrance like in a receiving line and guests thanked them when they left.

The girls and I thanked Aysha and her family for a wonderful and interesting evening and drove back to the UAE. On our way back, we observed that we look across that fence everyday never knowing just how different it really looks inside. The girls also commented that it might be fun to have a bachelorette party like that, where one could dance the way she wants because no men would be around and then have them join later. It was a memorable evening and I hope to have a few more experiences like these because exploring other cultures is something I want the girls to appreciate.